Let me talk about one specific part of your ceremony that you may or may not have been thinking about:

Your vows.

There's a good chance, when it comes to writing or sharing personal vows, you fall into one of these 4 categories:

1. Heck yes we're writing our own
2. No chance, not in a million years
3. I'm doing my best not to think about this part
4. I'm hungry (maybe that's just me?)

And look, if you're worried this is going to be you…

I promise - IT WON'T BE.

You're going to be great! And I’ll help you get there.

Now, I'm not here to convince you one way or another (or am I...?) but here are my thoughts on vows:

I think writing (and sharing) vows is one of the most impactful things you will do.

It's wild, really.

Like when else do you stand in front of the person you're committing your life to and tell them all the ways you promise to make them and your marriage your number one priority for the rest of your lives? It's not something you do every day, right? And I think that's exactly why it's so powerful. And I think sharing them in front of your closest people carries weight.

And believe me, I get it; speaking in front of a group of people isn't everyone's favourite thing in the world, little alone sharing how much you love that person.

But I've never performed a ceremony where the couple told me afterward they wish they hadn't written and shared their own vows.

Hasn’t happened.

And I knoooow, I know, just by saying that I'm at risk of breaking that streak, but I feel confident that streak is going to continue because writing and sharing vows is such a fun and powerful thing to do.

There are a few other ways to tackle this part during your ceremony if the thought of sharing personal vows doesn't get you psyched (and if we’re working together, we’ll go over those together), but for now, let me give you 5 tips to start writing your vows, 5 tips on sharing them, and 3 examples of personal vows from previous ceremonies.

5 tips on getting started...

Don't worry about how long they are, just write until they feel done (but if you neeeed to know a number, I'd say the majority are between 2-3 minutes), and don’t worry if they’re the same as your partners (too many couples think they should sound similar, they don’t need to. You’re different people who likely write and communicate differently - that’s a strength. Lean into that).
No need to over-edit them, in fact, less editing always retains more emotion (reread them and make any grammatical changes, but keep the majority of it intact, less polished sounds more authentic).
Write how you speak, don't use fluff or words that you don't normally say (this kind of relates to the previous point, if you over-edit - you'll thesaurus words to make it sounds prettier. You're not getting graded on this, so don't worry how professional or pretty your word choice is, keep it real).
No one is judging you for your vows, they're between the two of you, so don't worry about what others think (although you're sharing these in front of other people, they're still written for each other, so don't worry about trying to make them universally funny for your guests).
Start soon-ish. You for sure won’t need more than 30 minutes to write them but I promise 2 things: 1. these are easier to write than you might think, and 2. they get progressively more difficult to write the closer to your wedding day you get.

5 tips for sharing them...

No need to memorize them (in fact, I normally discourage memorizing them because it can be such a daunting thing).
Have them written down (I use these Moleskines often, I find them to be a perfect size, and also easy to hold and look great in photos).
When you write them/print them, have them in a large font and spaced out nicely so it's easy to find your place when you look up at your partner and then back down at your page.
Before you start sharing them, take a deep breath, and on that note, just know it's ok to pause or take a second if you need it, there's no rush. Take your time.
Remember: this is the best part of the entire ceremony, but don't worry about trying to perfect this moment, let it happen and enjoy every second of it.

Ok, let’s get to some examples!

Example 1

When you're a kid you assume your parents are soulmates. Our kids are going to be right about that. Andrew, you are my partner, teammate, and my very best friend. Twelve years ago, I never thought that this would happen, but standing here with you, I know that this is exactly where we are meant to be. When we first started dating five years ago, you sat me down and told me all of the horrible things about you, like how you snore, you like to argue, and you’re scared of ladybugs and butterflies. Falling for you wasn’t falling at all, it was like walking into a house and knowing you’re home.

Today we’re here after the most unpredictable six months and I think that even though the universe made it more and more difficult and complex for us to get married, being here today shows just how strong our love is. No matter what, we make it work. And knowing that we have each other’s backs 100% of the way, when things are easy and when they’re really, really tough, is the most comforting and sweet thing I can think of.

Beyond everything else, I am so amazed by the person you are becoming and glad that you chose me to join you on the ride. I watch you work hard every single day and show kindness and compassion to people around you and it makes me so proud. Your resilience, confidence, patience, and love prove to me that you are the best person I know. I am so grateful for the support and friendship that you have given me and how well you look after me and Stella.

Thank you for calling me while you drive home and for always checking with me before you eat my leftovers.

Thank you for taking care of things for two years while I went back to school.

Thank you for sharing your dreams with me and planning our lives and family together. I hope that someday our kids have your eyes, your athletic ability, your curiosity, and my patience, and understanding of what “ok, we’re leaving in 5 minutes” means.

You are the best thing. No matter what challenges we encounter, you’re my person. Thank you for choosing me and choosing us.

Right now, loving you is the easiest thing in the world. But even when things are heavy, I promise to be right there with you to fight the battle.

I promise to support you, trust you and love you through all the adventures that come our way.

I promise to sometimes let you have the last word. I promise that someday, maybe in 50 years, we’ll sit on our front porch with our dogs, holding hands, and think about all the wonderful ways that we grew together over the years.

And lastly, I promise that I will choose you every day, a million times over, not because I have to, but because I want to.

Example 2

On our very first date, after we spent six hours laughing together, I walked home and into the nearest Tim Horton’s to grab a half dozen donuts. They were delicious and I still think about them to this day. But afterward, I vividly remember saying out loud “I’m going to marry her. That’s it; she’s the one.”

That feeling was only reinforced after we spotted a Lego Star Wars display at Canadian Tire and both gasped out loud before rushing over. I could spend hours listing all of our moments, all of the things you do that make me proud, that make me laugh, that make me grateful, but I can sum it up in a single sentence: standing here before you, well, I’ve never been so sure of something in my entire life.

Amanda, I promise to do my best to keep you from running into things - things that are clearly in front of you, like the coffee table and bed that most people couldn’t possibly miss. I’ll do my best - and this is a tough one for me - to not leave crumbs over literally everything. I swear I’ll make sure to drink the last bit of milk in the container before throwing it out and I will do everything - and I mean everything in my power - to not open the dishwasher while it’s running.

But most importantly, I will be there beside you every step of the way, from now until we’re deep into our 80s, cursing at the youths that walk by our home. You are my best friend, my daily inspiration, my little burrito, and from here on out, for the rest of our lives, my beautiful wife.

Example 3

Timothy. Love of my life.

When I started writing these vows, I kept going back and thinking about Lemon Meringue Pie night. With vast quantities of red wine and that 80s Spotify playlist, it turned into one of my favourite memories so far. We got sugar everywhere from several attempts at making meringue. There were notable scratch marks on the hardwood floor where I decided to practice snowboarding inside. There’s a video of you stirring lemon curd, to the beat of the music, while wearing your snow hat and goggles, with a pizza bandaid on your finger. I ended up drunk-weeping to a really good song, which we then slow danced to. Not to mention, we baked a pie that was both overcooked and raw at the same time. You ate it anyway. Despite all that craziness… and a heck of a hangover… this was one of the first moments I realized we had something special. I could be me with you. We could be silly together. I felt safe and comfortable and cared for. There was no anxiety, no doubt.

When I was growing up, I had a difficult time. I wasn’t sure how my life would turn out. In a way, I was frozen.

And then, three years ago today, you walked into my office for our first meeting. Me, the account manager. You, the client. Little did I know that spending all my time working would lead me to find the most important person in my life.

My Prince Charming.

My best friend.

Over the next three years, you’ve become someone who cares for me and supports me, and surprises me. Someone who constantly makes me laugh. Someone who holds my hand. Someone who encourages me to, every now and then, step outside my comfort zone. Someone who loves watching old kid’s movies like Ferngully and Land Before Time. Someone who loves Christmas and Halloween as much as I do. Someone who shares my love of sweet things. And... Someone who has made me a freer, happier, more confident version of myself.

And now, my future is so clear. I was frozen and you woke me up. I know I was meant to find you and be with you forever, as your wife. And as your wife, I promise to always be by your side and on your side.
I promise to trust you, respect you, and to listen.

I promise to keep trying to make you laugh, particularly when I trip and bang into things.

I promise to always share in your dreams and encourage you to follow them.

I promise to take care of you in sickness and in health, whatever life throws at us.

I promise to always remember the important dates so you don’t have to.

I promise never to watch a new Star Wars movie without you.

Most importantly... I promise to love you for the rest of my life and to tell you that every day.

We aren’t starting Happily Ever After now, we’ve been living it all along.

Good luck as you write and share your vows! You’ve got this!

And after your wedding, do me a favour and shoot me an email to tell me how much you secretly loved writing them. I promise I won’t reply with, “I told you so.”

Let me end with a gallery of some of my favourite photos of couples sharing their vows.